| Eating out in restaurants, we are paying for the | | | | Coaching |
| privilege of being served the food we ask for, | | | | Anytime we don't get what we've asked for, we need |
| prepared in the way we want it. Recently I ate out | | | | to look at our choices. We can accept it; that is a valid |
| with some friends, one of whom ordered a steak | | | | choice. But when we make that choice we have to |
| done medium rare. When our order arrived, hers was | | | | accept the consequences that come with it. We free |
| obviously way over-cooked and when she cut into it | | | | ourselves when we accept the consequences of our |
| there wasn't even a trace of pink. I said she should | | | | choices. Choices empower us. Playing the victim is the |
| send it back. She refused, saying it was fine and she'd | | | | most limiting thing to do. Being a victim means that you |
| eat it the way it was, she didn't want to delay the meal | | | | look at the situation as if it is being done to you, so that |
| or cause trouble. But she wasn't enjoying it and every | | | | you have no choice and no personal power. |
| now and then would complain about it, or sigh loudly. | | | | There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself |
| By refusing to stand up for herself by sending back | | | | and asking for the things you want. You don't have to |
| the steak to get what she'd ordered, and instead | | | | feel that it's rude or pushy. You are just taking control |
| complaining passively about the situation, she was | | | | of your life and if you don't do that then someone else |
| putting herself into the role of victim. We do the same | | | | will, perhaps in a way that you don't like. Stand up for |
| any time we pretend that something is being done to | | | | yourself and claim your personal power. It is your right |
| us, complain about it, but do nothing to change things. | | | | and what you deserve. |
| We need to see that we are making a choice to allow | | | | Are you giving away your personal power? |
| it to happen. If we ask for one thing and get something | | | | Quotes |
| we didn't ask for, we have choices. We can return it, | | | | "The basis of shame is not some personal mistake of |
| negotiate about it or walk away from the whole | | | | ours, but the ignominy, the humiliation we feel that we |
| situation. | | | | must be what we are without any choice in the |
| We may not like the choices we have, that's not the | | | | matter, and that this humiliation is seen by everyone." |
| point. We still do have choices. When we look at a | | | | Milan Kundera |
| situation from the perspective of having choices, we | | | | "Every choice carries a consequence. For better or |
| empower ourselves. We empower ourselves not by | | | | worse, each choice is the unavoidable consequence |
| looking at what happens to us, but by seeing how we | | | | of its predecessor. There are not exceptions. If you |
| handle it. We empower ourselves by making choices. | | | | can accept that a bad choice carries the seed of its |
| We can't wait for someone else to empower us. It | | | | own punishment, why not accept the fact that a good |
| has to come from inside ourselves. | | | | choice yields desirable fruit? |