| p>In most people there is a deeply seated fear that | | | | Yes. We have to make the unfamiliar feel familiar. |
| prevents us from taking control of our lives and | | | | That may sound strange, but it is very possible. It takes |
| shaping them to suit us. It is a fear that keeps us | | | | no money, no special skills, just a few minutes each |
| average, keeps us doing all the same things | | | | day. The only thing you need for this simple technique |
| everybody else is doing, simply because it is the | | | | is your imagination. |
| familiar thing to do. | | | | Sit down somewhere quiet for a few minutes (if you |
| The fear of the unknown. | | | | have rambunctious children or a crazy schedule, you |
| You probably know that exact feeling I'm talking about. | | | | might have to do this in bed each evening or even |
| That flutter in your stomach, that vague discomfort | | | | when you have a few minutes to yourself in the |
| when you get close to the edge of familiarity, that | | | | bathroom). Close your eyes and think about the thing |
| warning in your head that can be so easily | | | | that has been scaring you. Don't worry about the fear |
| misinterpreted as a valid red flag. You know what I | | | | of even thinking about it. In the privacy of your |
| mean. | | | | imagination, you are totally safe. Imagine step by step, |
| There are parts of our minds and natures that have a | | | | doing the activity that has been giving you the flutters. |
| single purpose: To keep us safe. These parts are | | | | At each step, stop and ask yourself what could go |
| trained throughout our lives to discern between what is | | | | wrong at that point, how likely that really is, and what |
| okay, and what is dangerous. When you accidentally | | | | you can do to avoid the problems. What you are doing |
| touched the hot stove burner or iron as a child, that | | | | is looking around for the monsters outside the fence |
| safety center learned from that. When you strayed | | | | and seeing if there really is any danger to worry about. |
| too far from your parents and they called you back | | | | Once that is done, you can imagine yourself doing the |
| with that tone of worry and fear in their voices, that | | | | steps to your goal, visualizing in vivid detail each bit as |
| safety center in your head heard it and learned. | | | | if you were actually doing it. |
| Unfortunately, most people's safety centers have gone | | | | The results of this technique is that you can do |
| a little too far in their learning. The lesson you probably | | | | something over and over again as many times as you |
| internalized was "if it is unfamiliar, it could be dangerous. | | | | need to until it becomes so familiar that there is no |
| Only trust the things you know." | | | | fear involved. What you are doing is essentially |
| The result of this, is that when you get too close to the | | | | extending the fence to include wherever you want to |
| edge of what's familiar, your brain sends off all the | | | | go. This is something you can do again and again, |
| same warning signals and red flags that it would if you | | | | making the fence bigger and bigger to include anyplace |
| absentmindedly got too close to the hot stove. It's | | | | you wish. The biggest benefit is that rather than |
| there to protect you, but it also is keeping you fenced | | | | throwing yourself headlong through the fence and then |
| into a safe little circle away from opportunity and | | | | possibly discovering all those problem and "monsters" |
| growth. | | | | that you mind had been warning you were there, once |
| What can you do about this? | | | | you have already committed yourself, instead you get |
| Some people can break through this fence, ignore the | | | | to scope out the terrain bit by bit, and by the time you |
| warning signals, and seek new opportunities. There is a | | | | meet an obstacle, you generally saw it coming and |
| rush associated with this behavior that beats any drug. | | | | already know what to do about it. |
| It's precisely that feeling of danger that provides the | | | | There are some people out there who have no fear |
| rush. Unfortunately, most of us can't bring ourselves to | | | | of the unknown, and who can simply decide logically |
| fling ourselves headlong through the fence (or at least | | | | what they want to do and do it (I know, my mother is |
| not very often), so is there an alternative for the rest | | | | one of those people), but for the rest of us, this little |
| of us chickens out here who are not happy in the | | | | technique can take the fear and trepidation out of the |
| fence, but not impulsive enough to throw caution to the | | | | unfamiliar. Give it a try, I'll think you will like the results. |
| wind? | | | | |