| 1. Pretending You Are Interested When You Are Not | | | | people keep your focus on your real goal. Deal |
| Do yourself a favor and be honest with yourself and | | | | effectively with the individual and maintain your own |
| the people you spend time with. If you are really not | | | | emotional state regardless of how upset the other |
| interested in the topic of conversation say so. | | | | person is. |
| If possible change the subject or simply postpone that | | | | Pay attention to your emotional state when dealing |
| particular conversation until another time. | | | | with negative people, manipulative people and others |
| Obviously if there is a danger of offending the other | | | | who will drain your energy. With these people rely |
| person you will have to be less direct. In these | | | | more on the weakest element of rapport - words. |
| situations it helps to find out right away what the other | | | | And manage your body language without following |
| person wants or expects from you. Ask! | | | | their lead. |
| The conversation will right away become very | | | | 4. Not Speaking Their Language |
| relevant to you and maintaining interest is a lot easier. | | | | We all have one primary sense whether it be visual, |
| 2. Disliking The Other Person | | | | auditory or feelings based that dominates our |
| If you do not like the person you are talking to it will | | | | perception of the world. |
| come across at some level. Ask yourself -- what | | | | You need to get good at spotting which modality other |
| could I like about this person? This will help put you in a | | | | people use and match their world to get rapport |
| better frame of mind. | | | | quickly and easily. |
| And look for things you have in common by asking | | | | If someone is in a visual mode their words will be |
| yourself - how is this person like me? | | | | dominated by words that express what they see. For |
| We all have something in common and commonality | | | | example the car is red with a white soft top and a |
| builds rapport. Look for it and you will find it. | | | | huge back seat. |
| If you mechanically attempt to get rapport with people | | | | Whereas the auditory person describes the car in a |
| while secretly disliking them you will never get that | | | | different way: it sounds like a lion roaring when you |
| deep rapport you are aiming for. In fact if your focus is | | | | start the engine and the CD player fills the car with |
| on how much you dislike the person you will not even | | | | deep, rich sounds that dance around your ears. |
| want rapport and instead you will be setting yourself | | | | Finally the person most attuned to their feelings notices |
| up for conflict. | | | | the smooth soft sensation of the leather seats and the |
| 3. Wanting Rapport With Everyone You Meet | | | | warm firm feeling when they hold the steering wheel. |
| I made this mistake when I first learned advanced | | | | If you use the wrong modality for the person you are |
| communication skills. | | | | talking to it makes it harder for him to understand you. |
| All of a sudden, for the first time, I was able to get | | | | You have to work harder to get rapport. |
| rapport with anyone I met. So I did. | | | | And when you speak to several people at once make |
| And I recommend you do the same to a point. With | | | | sure you use visual, auditory and feeling words to |
| one exception. There are some people you do not | | | | make sure you appeal to everyone. |
| want to be getting deep rapport with. | | | | Make a point of paying attention to the dominant |
| Take someone who is like a raging bull with a deep | | | | modality your friends and family use. And you may |
| resentment and hate for themselves and other people. | | | | have a breakthrough when you finally discover why |
| Do you really want to feel the same way? If you get | | | | you are not getting deep rapport with some of them |
| deep rapport you will feel some of the same feelings. | | | | while more easily getting along with other people. |
| While you may need to be effective around such | | | | |