| Thank you for calling Vericon Broadband. In order to | | | | patient and over the next couple of hours we will |
| help you better we have some options for you. If you | | | | check to see just how patient you are. |
| are able to hear this message, there is nothing wrong | | | | 14. Vericon respects your privacy, but we can hear |
| with your line, so please hang up now. | | | | you picking your teeth Paul. |
| 1. If you are unable to hear this message please push | | | | 15. If you are determined to resolve this issue, please |
| #2 | | | | hold while we transfer you to our call centre in India. |
| 2. If you are dyslexic, please push anything. | | | | We will allow you you 3 minutes to feel you are |
| 3. If you are hard of hearing, Please SHOUT, CUSS | | | | getting somewhere, then disconnect you only to |
| AND PUSH #3 | | | | reconnect you with someone who speaks even |
| 4. If you are a hearing helper dog then, please "Sit" | | | | worse English and wants to start all over again. |
| 5. If you are visually impaired, push the big red button | | | | 16. Have you been disconnected from our Indian call |
| that says "Fast spin" | | | | centre? Please enter the reference code you were |
| 6. If you are calling to report a fault with your phone, | | | | given to be connected directly to our operator. You will |
| how are you doing that? | | | | be asked for this code over and over again during the |
| 7. If you are experiencing a slow broadband | | | | course of the next couple of hours. Many of our |
| connection, it is likely it is a fibre related issue and we | | | | customers like to have the reference code tattooed |
| recommend you eat more of it. | | | | onto an easily reachable part of the body. Vericon can |
| 8. Should you be having email issues? Yes you should, | | | | arrange this for you should you so desire. |
| so stop whining! | | | | 17. Please hold to be connected directly to our |
| 9. If you believe that life is too short, press 000,000,000 | | | | dedicated reference number tattooists. They are also |
| to be taken back to the main menu. | | | | in India. Actually it might be quicker to pop into our |
| 10. If you are a member of our ethnic community - | | | | Indian call centre while you are there. We operate a |
| "We know where you live" | | | | ticket system. For problems with your Vericon line it's |
| 11. To hear this menu in Spanish press "hola" | | | | ticket #1. Ticket #2 is for... |
| 12. If you are a "Pay as you call" customer, your call will | | | | 18. Thank you for calling Vericon. How can we help |
| be answered in 3 days! | | | | you today? |
| 13. If you are still following this menu, we know you are | | | | |