| | | | | with passing time, then pops up when you’re least |
| | | | | expecting it, perhaps when someone else you know |
| People ask if the pain from the loss of a child ever | | | | loses a loved one. |
| goes away. My answer to that question is, of course | | | | |
| not, not for a very long time. And then it goes away in | | | | Grief sessions at our local funeral home helped – if |
| little spurts. For the first six months after my son died, I | | | | nothing else I saw that I was not alone and that gave |
| thought I couldn’t go on living without him. Then I | | | | me solace. It was a six-week program to help people |
| began to think about my other children and my spouse | | | | get through it all. But it’s just a start, you need to |
| and I simply forced myself to get up and out of bed | | | | keep moving on. My husband and I also did a Grief |
| everyday and do what I needed to do for them and | | | | Recovery Handbook exercise that also helped some. |
| for myself. That was a good start. In many ways, the | | | | Remember, these were things I tried the first year, but |
| grief got harder after the shock and numbness had | | | | they can be utilized at any time, even years later. |
| worn off and then for a time it became those | | | | Maybe it would be helpful if you went to a counselor. |
| nitty-gritty raw feelings. | | | | Whatever you try it’s a matter of pushing yourself |
| | | | | forward. Don’t sit at home alone waiting for things |
| At the end of that first year with all the holidays behind | | | | to get better. Allow friends to come to see you. Go to |
| us, all the firsts, I still felt terrible and wondered how | | | | church, your club, the theatre, even if you don’t feel |
| people could say that it only takes a year for people | | | | like it. Give yourself some tender loving care in |
| to get over a death. It definitely takes longer. Before | | | | whatever way helps you the most. That could be |
| Robb’s death, I had been working on a novel, and | | | | listening to lovely soft music, taking long walks in the |
| then after his death I began rewriting it for an agent | | | | park, feeling the wind on your face as you ride your |
| that thought it needed reworking. Looking back it | | | | bike around the neighborhood. And little by little other |
| seems unbelievable that I could do that. But it turned | | | | things and people slip into your life, allow them in; they |
| out to be a welcome escape, just like a bear going into | | | | don’t fill the gap but they help. And slowly, |
| a cave when it hibernates. But when I came out of the | | | | eventually life improves. |
| cave, the pain returned. | | | | |
| | | | | It has been thirteen years since my son died. I’ve |
| Loss of Child | | | | written a memoir about our time together: Living, |
| | | | | Loving, and Losing A Son. Reliving those memories |
| Sometimes I would think to myself, how can I go on | | | | now, I mostly focus on the fun or interesting times. I like |
| and on everyday thinking of the death of my son and | | | | centering on the wonderful things he did with his life, |
| all the details of it and not know when it will go away? | | | | and how perhaps what I write about now will help |
| In reality, the pain never fully goes away, but it shrinks | | | | others. |