| “People pleasing can leave you feeling empty | | | | request is just that, a request. The other person is not |
| and taken advantage of.” Deb Melton | | | | obligated to say “yes”; no matter how |
| One of the ways fear shows up in our lives and | | | | close they are to you or how many favors you have |
| keeps us from living fully is when we become a | | | | done for them in the past. When you make a request |
| people pleaser. You know when you are doing it. You | | | | with stirrings attached, you are expecting a certain |
| pick up the check and put it on your credit card, | | | | outcome and you may be very disappointed if things |
| because you want everyone at the table to admire | | | | do not go as you expected. The key here is to come |
| you and like you more. You say “yes” to | | | | from a place of open intention, not expectation of a |
| your sister who asks you to baby sit for her 3 year | | | | certain outcome. |
| old on Sunday afternoon, because you don’t | | | | If you want to be able to be able to live this way and |
| want to offend her by saying “no”. You | | | | stop living from fear and instead live from freedom |
| agree to help a friend move next weekend, because | | | | and joy, call me and I’ll show you how. In a few |
| you’d feel guilty if you did not. | | | | months you could find yourself living outrageously, |
| Inherent in people pleasing is an expectation that the | | | | being happy, having more fun, feeling more love, living |
| favor will be returned and if it is not, you are apt to feel | | | | from your passion and feeling a sense of purpose. |
| disappointed or resentful. You may say to yourself, | | | | Many of my clients have found that the support of a |
| “I am always doing nice things for my friends, but | | | | coach can make all the difference. Here is what some |
| they don’t seem to notice or be around when I | | | | have said. |
| need something.” Two things are at work here, | | | | “My coaching sessions with you have really |
| inability to say “no” when you want to say | | | | turned my life in a more positive direction. You've given |
| “no”, and inability to ask for what you want | | | | me tools and guidance that has benefited me more |
| or need. This is how fear keeps us stuck in | | | | than all my years of counseling! “ Carol Brown, |
| resentment, anger and disappointment. | | | | MD |
| Saying “yes”, because of fear of loss, | | | | “The biggest gift I have received from your |
| when you really want to say “no” allows | | | | coaching, Deb, is how to trust myself.” Kiara D |
| fear to be in charge of your life, not you. It may not be | | | | songwriter, NYC |
| that your friends and family are inconsiderate jerks! It | | | | “Deb provided me with gentle support and was |
| may be that you are too controlled by fear to say | | | | confrontive when I needed it. Through the work I did |
| “no”. When you learn to value yourself and | | | | with Deb, I found a sense of freedom like I have never |
| see that your needs and wants are as valid as | | | | experienced in my life!” Dana M. nurse, OKC |
| anyone else’s, you are less likely to fall into | | | | “I think I have been unhappy for a while and |
| people pleasing as a way of getting and keeping | | | | trying to blame others for what I am feeling. I realized |
| friends. When you value yourself you are more | | | | only I can make me happy. I don’t think I would |
| authentically you, which makes you more interesting | | | | have realized any of this if it had not been for your |
| and attractive and, consequently, others will like you | | | | patient and persistence in coaching me. Thanks so |
| and value you more too. | | | | much for helping me get my life back on track!” |
| Making a request and asking for what you need or | | | | Mary D. Stock Broker, CO |
| want is one of the best ways to move from a feeling | | | | You may also consider joining an on-the-phone Fear |
| of powerlessness to a feeling of having power over | | | | Buster Group I have one starting nearly every month. |
| your life and what happens to you. But remember, a | | | | Call me for details. |