| Parents play a lead role in setting the overall tone in | | | | - "You're not eating dinner until you wash your hands." |
| their families. Parents whose overall tone tends to be | | | | - "You are dawdling and we're going to be late!" |
| negative often have homes filled with stress and | | | | - "Stop bugging your sister!" |
| tension. While parents who take a more positive | | | | How do you feel after reading these statements? |
| approach create calmer, happier homes. | | | | Let's look at how these same ideas could be |
| A Home Filled with Tension | | | | expressed more positively: |
| One mom told me about all the stress in her home. | | | | - "Feel free to go outside as soon as you put |
| One of her three sons was doing very poorly in | | | | sunscreen on." |
| school. She and her husband were constantly nagging | | | | - "That could break so you can play with this instead." |
| Joe to do his homework although it didn't seem to help | | | | - "I am leaving in two minutes. I'll be happy to take you |
| much. Sometimes Joe even skipped school and they | | | | if have your shoes on." |
| responded by yelling at him and grounding him. | | | | - "Your TV time is up for today. Would you like to turn |
| However, Joe would leave the house even though he | | | | the TV off or would you like me to turn it off?" |
| was grounded. Home was not a welcoming place for | | | | - "Please wash your hands and then join us for dinner." |
| Joe. This family turned things around when they made | | | | - "We're leaving in 5 minutes. Do you plan to be |
| the tough decision to let Joe worry about his | | | | dressed or will you be taking your clothes in a bag?" |
| homework and grades instead of them. When they | | | | - "Your sister wants to be left alone right now. Do you |
| stopped nagging him, he started spending more time at | | | | want to play a game with me or go outside and play?" |
| home and he actually began taking more responsibility | | | | How do you feel now? The words we use make a |
| for his homework. | | | | huge difference! |
| Replacing Negative Statements with Positive | | | | Results of Positive Statements |
| Statements | | | | When we use more positive statements we |
| Sometimes parents get in the habit of interacting with | | | | demonstrate confidence that our children are likely to |
| their children using negative statements and | | | | choose appropriate behavior. If we instead use a lot of |
| commands. Read the following statements one dad | | | | nagging, ordering and yelling, we convey to our children |
| made to his children and think about how you would | | | | that we feel they are likely to mess up if we're not |
| feel if you were a child hearing these remarks: | | | | constantly on top of them - not quite the message we |
| - "You aren't going outside until you put sunscreen on." | | | | want to send! |
| - "Stop messing around with that!" | | | | By getting in the habit of positively stating requests, |
| - "If you don't hurry up and get your shoes on, I'm not | | | | you will make the overall tone of your family more |
| taking you." | | | | encouraging and optimistic. This is an essential |
| - "You've already watched too much TV. You should | | | | ingredient in making your home a warm, welcoming |
| not have turned it on again, now turn it off." | | | | place for everyone. |